Thursday, December 9, 2010


"Owwww! DAMN!"

"What happened, Annie?"

"I sliced my thumb open with a steak knife while loading the dishwasher!"

Wincing, I stuck my poor bleeding thumb under the kitchen faucet, rinsing the blood away and still muttering little "ow ow ow ow's" under my breath.

"Lemme see." Daws examined my thumb and made sympathetic noises.

"Want me to get you a bandaid, babe?"

"No...I have to finish rinsing and loading."

Even I didn't buy my overly-exaggerated martyred tone. But Daws chose to indulge me.

"I'll finish, Annie, you go sit down."

Making a few feeble protests, mostly for show, I caved almost immediately and went to sit on a bar stool.

Daws started to slide the packed dishwasher racks in when he stopped, exclaiming, "What kind of mentally challenged individual loaded this washer?"

Actually, he said, "What kind of retard loaded this washer?" but that's un-PC, so I changed it.

"What's wrong with the way I loaded it?" Bristling.

Giving a short, rather condescending laugh, he shook his head and started the washer up, saying, "I'll show you how to load properly next time I do it."

Are you friggin' KIDDING ME? Daws, I've watched the way you load the dishwasher and it's WRONG! All WRONG!

In fact, ALL of you reading this probably load your dishwashers the wrong way. Honestly. I've seen other people's dishwasher-loading skillz and it's pretty ugly out there.

This should be a new reality show. Contestants load a dishwasher, then a panel of qualified judges come by and rate everyone on how well they did.

Why not?

They have a reality show on *haircuts* for god's sake. Why not household chores?

New reality show: "Fill! That! Fridge!" Contestants are given random groceries and told to pack a refrigerator. They are judged on speed, creativity and practicality. Think of the drama! What if your groceries contained items you'd never packed a fridge with before!? What if you broke an egg? Ran out of time? Insanity! Mayhem! Entertainment galore!


I'm writing Mark Burnett about it right now, right this second.

Make a fortune.

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